Out the other side

When last I posted I was having a bit of a....nah let's be honest and admit it, a massive..crisis of confidence.   To the point where I had even contemplated pulling out of the course before the exam.

Dad came out of hospital eventually and although he has a long road of recovery ahead of him, the immediate terror and danger have lessened somewhat.

That being the case, I am happy to say that, having given the matter a lot of careful and honest thought, I decided that, as the presentation of the course where I would have registered to sit the exam on its own would doubtless be the very same one that I would attend as a resit if the unthinkable happened and I failed, it would be worth just getting down to brass tacks and getting through the exam.  Which I did, earlier today.

And whilst I would never rate any exam as a pleasant experience, it went pretty well, I think I may have managed a half decent score in fact.  Could this be the course with the ever elusive distinction?  Not sure about that but hey a girl can dream eh?

Time for a well-earned rest for the winter, and to allow other obsessions to take over for a while.

Stop the bus I wanna get off!!

Having a crisis of confidence and time and everything else right now.

Dad is still in hospital, being given mixed messages about timescales for release which has him down and depressed (understandably).

And of course not knowing the timescales of anything is making it ridiculously hard to plan or even concentrate on studies when all I am doing is worrying about my family. 

I'm seriously contemplating deferring the exam till another time, for this course you can do that, and bank your scores up to the point where you make that decision.  I don't have a lot of time to decide so I guess it's a case of assess progress by next week when we might know more about Dad's prognosis.  Can't make a hasty decision as Student Support only work Monday to Friday.  Dunno if that's a good thing or bad right now as I would just like progress of any kind.  Coming to hate weekends and the way they grind everything to a halt. ;(

Once more into the abyss?

Yahoo! I finished the TMA, on time and hopefully fully completed.

It's been a weird old week, my Dad's been in hospital for the whole week, with a very 'touch and go' period at the start where he was in intensive care.  Around that I have somehow managed to pull together a little more ability to focus on  my studies, which is weird.  I guess it's a way to escape from the reality of 'reality' and focus on something else which I can control.

It's therefore heading towards the time of revision.  For a couple of days though, I intend to do nothing with my studies or my books.  I am starting a new job tomorrow, and between that and hospital visits, I believe I should have enough to keep my brains more than occupied.

Then it's down to some serious revision - I think this course may need more structured revision as there is a lot of information to take in.  Right now I can't quite work out a path through it all, but I keep having to remember the mantra of "40% is all it takes to pass" - in this case "Good Enough" may have to be good enough for me.

More in a few days when my head recovers from trying to do it all at once!!

Basket Case? And a return to the Old Normal.

Ok - state of the Washing Basket - empty.

State of the TMA - progressing too slowly.

State of my brain cells - eroding too quickly.

I'm hitting that state of mid-assignment, mid everything else, pre-exam panic.  To which the only solution is wresting control in the only place I can manage it - the Washing Basket.  And obsessing over tidying silly things in the house that have lived happily in cupboards or drawers for years, why do they need to come out and play now?  The house may thank me but the studies won't.

The long commute is soon to be a thing of the past as I return to a much closer office, though to do what is not yet quite established, as I have applied for a temporary promotion opportunity back there too.  I'm hoping to have news on that quite soon.

So it will be a return to 'Old Normal' - the 'New Normal' never did quite settle in, it's been more a case of chaos and shoving in study wherever I could for the last 7 months.  But hopefully the change back might make enough difference at the right time to help fit in some decent revision time and get me out the other side of the exam with enough marks to pass.  Somehow I very much doubt that this is the course where I achieve that elusive Distinction.

(I hasten to add that blogging tonight was done after as much TMA work as I could stomach for the evening, lest the Procrastination Fairy get her wings too firmly established on the desk).

Hobbies, obsessions and the Washing Basket

On the way home from a quilting evening last night, I had time to ponder on my many hobbies, and to question myself even more than usual on my OU journey.

I have what can only be honestly known as an obsessive personality. Whatever (old or new) hobby I am currently busy with is usually my focus to the exclusion of many other things. When I am sewing the rest of the crafts take a back seat, when I am gardening it's from dawn till dusk.

Which leads me to wondering when I stopped feeling that way about my OU journey?  It seems that the closer to the goal I get, the less enthusiasm I have for the task. Studying is currently feeling akin to the washing basket, a task that needs to be coped with or got through.

I would dearly like to rekindle some of that earlier enthusiasm. I still love the learning but am taking less joy from the journey to get there.

But there still lies that feeling of how sad it would be to get so close and then stop. And so onwards I go again.

Someone please give me back that spring in my steps on the road to knowledge?

Relief, trepidation and the great unknown

Relief - I got my latest TMA results today and achieved 98%, which, considering there was an awful lot of sketching involved, I am very happy with.  The random 2% missed was just for not including more options, I can live with that!

Trepidation - I'm still not entirely convinced that I actually KNOW any of this!!  It's OK learning as you go and completing the assignment, but I'm not sure how much is actually going in at the end of the day.  Which fills me with pre-exam panic before the last assignment has even begun.

The Great Unknown - not so much study related as life-related.  My job (with its associated long commute) has been extended till the end of September now - not bad for what began as a 6 week interlude.  I've also been allowed to stay with my current employer, so there's no longer the fear of going back to a dead-end job in my old place.  There is still a question, however, as to what I will go back to (and indeed whether things may end up being extended further into the winter).  A very big part of me is ready to be back in our office closer to home, with a 30 minute commute instead of 3 hours.  But another part of me, that part that is finally starting to come alive as a management grade, would happily accept any chance for it to continue.  But with that some trepidation with regards to the travel when it involves snow and ice, the days are too long now.

So a few wobbles along the way of the student this week, hoping for an injection of confidence from somewhere soon!!

Survival skills

Having recently been watching a TV programme about a bunch of Englishmen surviving on a remote island, it leads me to think about survival.

Not the machete and 'man-make-fire' type thing though.

More the - I dunno - get through the course and exam and come out the other side relatively unscathed type.

Survival skill 1 - most importantly - have people around you who understand (or at least sympathise) with what you are going through.  If you have an 'other half' who objects to an overflowing washing basket at the time of an assignment, then you are in trouble.  Thankfully my other half is very accepting of my domestic failings, whether they be at the time of assignment or down to general 'life is for living not washing' moments.

Survival skill 2 - remember that it IS voluntary!  Sometimes it's hard to remember this one, especially this far down the line, and it can feel like someone has a gun to my head at times - particularly assignment times.  For most students though, including myself, there is always the option to simply walk away, from the course, from the whole study plan.  If your job and livelihood is not directly dependent upon it, then leaving it all behind is always an option, even if it's the last option I would ever consider in real life!

Survival skill 3 - Good Enough is good enough.  Another one that's easy to say but hard to believe in.  It's hard for a perfectionist not to strive for perfection.  But when the stress ball hits you hard in the head, sometimes it's worth remembering that a passing mark is still a Pass whether it's a 40% pass or a 97% pass. Finishing an assignment or an exam with that in your head can be helpful - especially for exams, where the result is further away than that for a TMA.  It's something that I tend to include in my revision too, I will focus on whichever areas would get me the most confident 40% and work upwards from there.

Survival skill 4 - Anything is still better than nothing - when it comes to studying (and to motivating yourself to study when you don't have to do so to keep your job), remember that every little bit counts.  So even those 30 minutes on the train or bus, or the half hour of reading you crammed in while you had a bath, will achieve more than simply not having done anything.  All the little bits add up - and in fact occasionally, the context will aid with the memory of something - for example, I will remember a particular paragraph of a book by the song that I listened to on my MP3 player at the time whilst on the daily commute.

Survival skill 5 - Plan as if you've already succeeded - you may have noticed by my earlier blog posts, but I have a tendency to plan well ahead.  I dunno if this is technically a survival skill but it appears to work for me anyway.  I don't have a 'what happens if I fail?' plan, I refuse to accept it as an option, I'd simply have to deal with it if it happened.  So far this appears to have worked, and I don't plan to change this way of thinking.

Oh - and if all else fails, procrastinate well and keep the washing basket empty!!